I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize