I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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