I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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