I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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