I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
