I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
