I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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