So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
