Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
