It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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