he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
