There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
