We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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