I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
