I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
