When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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