Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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