dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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