It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
