If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
