I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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