I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
