Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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