Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
