I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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