This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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