Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
