i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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