i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
