Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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