Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
