yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why didn't you poke me back
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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