can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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