If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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