they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
