he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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