I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
being pregnant is like rehab
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
