I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
