its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Less talking, more tequila
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
