I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize