Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
