I am puke
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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