he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
