I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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