11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
