Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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