I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
