Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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