I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
