glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
