At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
