i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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