My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
