In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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