I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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