Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
