I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
