Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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