I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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