He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
