Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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