I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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