so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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