You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
