Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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