he shaved USA in his pubs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
