by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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