I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
