I want to have your abortion
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
