When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
