we're blogging at a bar
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
