I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Drake has all the answers
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
