Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
