thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
