eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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