He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize