I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
