Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't deserve a penis
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
