Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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